#8: How to give and receive feedback
Feedback - we all know how valuable it is and how it can increase the productivity but also help to improve company cultures, psychological safety, and much more. However, we sometimes still struggle to find ways how to give feedback in the right way or also how to receive it without taking it too personal or without getting defensive.
If I google how to give and receive feedback, I’ll find about 2.100.000.000 results, there are so many resources and articles on this topic that it can be overwhelming. The tips below have helped me and the teams I am working with in the last years to shape an open feedback culture.
Let’s start with giving feedback:
The environment: When you give feedback, have in mind how this person you’re giving feedback to actually likes to receive it. Also, if it’s praise and the recognition of great work, for some folks having to hear this in front of the whole team, can feel really uncomfortable. Some folks would like to hear the feedback directly whilst others like to schedule a session so that they also have time to reflect upfront. Make sure to keep this in mind before giving feedback.
The I-Message: At Hyper Island I learned about the 4-step message of giving feedback from the I, making sure to own the feedback saying “I” instead of “we”. Further, be specific and give examples to avoid any general phrases. This is how the process looks like:
Behavior / Observation – When you said/did, ...
My Feeling – I felt happy/sad/…
My need – What I need ...
My wish – I would like you to ...
How to receive feedback:
Need to improve: Remind yourself that feedback gives you the chance to move forward and to improve. Liz and Molly (make sure to check out their book “No Hard Feelings") describe that when we are getting critical feedback, we “tend to rush through details and immediately start questioning your entire self-worth”. They further emphasise to also make sure to ask an expert who can give you the right feedback to improve because we tend to prioritise trustworthiness and accessibility over expertise.
Intention: Say “Thank you” to the person taking the time to giving you the feedback. We know time is precious and someone spending their time to help you should be appreciated and valued. Take time to evaluate and analyse the feedback you’re getting and ask questions if anything is unclear. However, also keep in mind and reflect how much this person knows about you and the work your are doing since feedback is always subjective.
I’m curious to hear more about the feedback culture in your company or what your personal experiences of giving and receiving feedback are. And as always, I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback on this article on feedback, do you see the hint? Shoot me a message!